While working in a garbage-strewn patch of the ocean, a team of marine biologists discover uncharacteristic behaviors and mutations among the group of sharks they’re tracking. After her whole team becomes shark food, Sophia (played by Final Cut actress, Bérénice Bejo) vows never again to swim shark-infested waters. However, several years later, she is contacted by a tree-hugging activist who has tracked a female from the pack responsible and it’s right under the City of Love itself, Paris.
While this would usually be a problem quite easily resolved, Paris is set to hold a 1.2-billion euro triathlon and the typical political greed of the mayor means she refuses to cancel the event, despite pleas and warnings from the shark expert.
Under Paris – Another Goofy Netflix Offering
If you haven’t guessed already, Under Paris follows a ridiculous premise that’s seemingly been thought up by a stoner in the shower. I mean, sharks in the River Seine? That’s almost as goofy as Snakes on a Plane or sharks in a tornado, in the ingeniously titled ‘Sharknado‘. It’s not that I hate such movies but we have long-since found ourselves inundated with horror titles featuring animals in unlikely places. Whatever next? Penguins in Target or hedgehogs invading a bowling center? I wait with bated breath.
Despite the somewhat insultingly stupid premise, I would have looked past the laughable plot if it had been executed in a way that poked fun at itself and never took itself seriously, like Snakes on a Plane. However, there wasn’t even the faintest of hints that suggested anything other than the viewer should be teetering on the edge of a metaphorical cliff of tension, rather than the more realistic roadside curb of mirth.
Under Paris is as Lazy as it is Trashy
Earlier this year I covered a movie of a similar theme. Something in the Water followed five girls who found themselves stranded in shark-infested waters. Despite the predictability of this movie, it had pace and was full to the brim with suspense and imaginative deaths. Under Paris, however, offered nothing of the sort. It just felt shoddy, lazy and only released for one sole reason – to fly the flags of virtue and make a point about the decaying state of our environment. While this is a worthy message and I wholly support the cause, there is a time and a place for such and horror movies are neither.
Seeing the above-average runtime of 101-minute runtime, you may make the mistake of thinking that Under Paris has some deep, weaving plot but rest assured that around an hour of this almost insufferably long movie is packed with needless fluff, where every opportunity to be “woke” is grasped with both hands. Again, there’s nothing wrong with this but Under Paris does so in a way that goes way beyond the realms of realism.
Under Paris – Summary
To be quite blunt, I would rather slide down a giant cheese grater and into actual shark-infested waters than have to sit through Under Paris again. Netflix seems to be throwing this mindless garbage onto its platform in a desperate bid for original content. There was a time when you could depend on a Netflix original title but it seems those days have long passed us by.
If you fancy a little-self punishment then Under Paris is available to stream now on Netflix. If you have had the displeasure of experiencing this trashy monster movie, please let us know your thoughts in the comment section below. That is, of course, if thinking about it again will just dredge up harrowing memories of abject boredom.
